


Blame

by AutisticWriter



Series: Banned Together Bingo [5]
Category: Oxventure (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Banned Together Bingo, Confusion, Crying, Dark, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fear, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Hugs, Implied Egbert/Liliana, Mentioned Liliana (Oxventure), Multi, OT5, One Shot, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Polyamory, Swearing, Unreliable Narrator, Whump, internalised victim blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:40:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27478201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutisticWriter/pseuds/AutisticWriter
Summary: Egbert needs to tell his partners about something that happened when he was held captive by Liliana. But it turns out denial and confusion twisted his memories, and his fellow Oxventurers help him understand what really happened.
Relationships: Corazon de Ballena | Corazon de Leon/Dob/Egbert The Careless/Merilwen/Prudence
Series: Banned Together Bingo [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1751920
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Blame

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Banned Together Bingo 2020. The prompt: Rape.
> 
> Dark and potentially triggering, so please read the tags.

With the whole gang finally back together, the deck of the Joyful Damnation hosts the most chaotic party it has seen in many a year. A very pissed Corazon staggers across the deck, attempting to catch Merilwen, who, in her cat form, holds a familiar eyepatch in her mouth, purring in delight at Corazon’s increasing frustration as she constantly and easily escapes the drunken pirate.

Prudence smirks as she observes this scene, occasionally egging Merilwen on and teasing Corazon, whilst Frisky and The Darkness yap and jump at her feet, desperate to get onto her lap. And Dob smiles fondly whilst playing a jaunty tune on the lute, delighted at the return to normalcy.

However, the scene is not perfect. Several minutes earlier, Egbert left to use the toilet, but has yet to return. Despite how odd his behaviour has been all night, his partners never seemed to notice his subdued body language and lack of engagements in conversations and silly games, so he managed to slip away without them noticing his absence.

In the loo, Egbert stares at his reflection in the mirror, studying the thin tendrils of smoke spraying from his nose, and his wide, panicked eyes. His heart pounds against his ribs, nerves tightening his chest and making him want to be sick. But he doesn’t puke, simply standing there, hands gripping the sink so hard it’s a wonder the porcelain doesn’t crack. Egbert just keeps staring at himself, fighting back some sort of panic attack.

Ever since he woke up at Suzette’s house, having been cared for by Dob and his sister throughout his unconsciousness, the nerves have been with him, coiling around his insides. The intense guilt has never stopped eating away at his stomach, and he has longed to work up the courage to just speak to his fellow Oxventurers, but he has never found his words.

And now they are having a party, celebrating everything going back to normal, but the announcement of the party just made him feel worse. All day, the guilt and fear has tormented him until he finally couldn’t supress it anymore. Genuinely sure he would crack and start sobbing in the middle of the lovely party (because, despite how Egbert is not into it in the slightest, it is a good party, and seeing his boyfriends and girfriends having so much fun almost made him feel better), Egbert fled to the toilet despite not needing to go. And that brings him back to now, hiding in the bog like a coward.

He has to tell them. He can’t keep this a secret any longer. But… Egbert isn’t the brightest of sparks, and using his words has never been a strength of his. And despite the need to speak about it, he doesn’t _want_ to tell them; he feels like a piece of shit and knows this is going to ruin everything, but holding it all in is surely going to kill him.

Egbert’s knees wobble, but he stays on his feet, albeit by putting more weight on the sink. He closes his eyes, but an image of _her_ flashes behind his closed eyelids, and Egbert flinches, snapping his eyes open. Bloody hell. This is going to be awful, isn’t it?

Legs dragging like they’re suddenly made of lead, Egbert turns, unlocks the door with shaky hands and heads back upstairs. He bows his head, hating how his heart flutters and his stomach cramps, walking so slowly he almost seems to move backwards.

But, finally, he reaches the deck, and stares at his partners. They look so happy, and his eyes fill with tears. Egbert swallows hard and blinks the tears away. _Why did you do it?_ He thinks. _They’re gonna be devastated. They’re gonna hate you. Prudence will probably kill you. But you’ll deserve it for ruining what the five of you have. You fucking idiot._

Over his own mind yelling at him, Egbert looks around the deck. Corazon has fallen over, and Dob crouches beside him, casting Heal Wounds on the arm Corazon hugs to his chest, whilst Merilwen, still a cat, sits across Corazon’s shoulders, licking his face. And Prudence laughs her head off, staring at the embarrassed flush on Corazon’s cheeks and mumbling, “Oh, fuck, you idiot…” and things like that.

Once Dob has healed Corazon, Egbert gulps and approaches Prudence, the one closest to him. He stares at her hands, fully expecting to he Eldritch Blasted by them when she finds out what he did, before looking at her face.

“Prudence…” he mumbles, and she turns her head.

The laughter dies way, confusion crossing her face. And, with less sympathy and more curiosity than most (but normal for her), Prudence says, “You look bloody awful. What’s wrong?”

Egbert shifts his weight from one foot to the other, and blurts out, “I need to talk to you. All of you.”

Prudence studies him, eyes flicking up at down his tense body and panicky face. “Guys!” she yells at the others, who all jump and stare at her. “Egbert’s acting weird. Get over here!”

Merilwen dashes over, turning back into an Elf right as she reaches them. She stares up at Egbert, and he wonders if she can read minds. When she doesn’t immediately attack him, he remembers that, of course, Merilwen can’t do that. “You’re right. What’s wrong, Egbert?”

Corazon and Dob wander over, Dob helping Corazon walk when it becomes apparent just how much the booze has messed with his balance.

“Oh, Egbert, what’s wrong?” Dob asks, eyes all big and sad just from glancing at Egbert.

Too drunk off his arse to really get it, Corazon just blinks. “Oh, it’s Egbert…”

“So, what do you wanna tell us?” Prudence asks, voice soft (for her).

“Er, I… I…” Egbert crosses his arms, hugging his chest, and stares up at the mast so he doesn’t have to see their faces. He knows he should start from the beginning, explain it to them calmly and try to get everything to make sense, but, again, when has Egbert the Careless ever been clever? And so, all of a sudden, the worst words he has ever spoken come tumbling out of his mouth, spluttered before his mind has chance to catch up with his tongue.

“I cheated on you!”

It comes out as a high-pitched shriek, voice cracking, and Egbert holds his breath, waiting for hell to be unleashed.

Silence falls over the deck, and Egbert finds it scarier than just being yelled at. He risks staring down at them all, and his stomach churns. Corazon manages to look angry despite the drunkenness, and Prudence glowers with rage, energy crackling on her palms. But, far worse than that, Dob and Merilwen look like someone just tore their hearts apart, and Egbert wants to cry. But he doesn’t.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” says Prudence, finally breaking the silence. Her voice is too quiet, words harsh like she spits acid at him, and a shiver runs up his back.

What does he do now? How can he explain after starting like that? He wants to run away so badly, but he holds his ground, screws his eyes up, and tells the rest of his awful story.

“I, I… when I was with… with Liliana,” Egbert mumbles, wanting them all to interject and yell, but they just listen. “She… sometimes she… she let me out of the tank. For a rest. Didn’t wanna kill me, I think.” He swallows. “A-And… she, she… she had sex with me.” His eyes fill with tears, and his voice shakes as he cries, “I’m so sorry!”

Nobody speaks. He expected to be screamed at (or worse), but the four of them don’t speak. Eventually, fear gets to him, and Egbert opens his eyes to look at them, the tears spilling down his face.

Dob and Merilwen are crying silently, covering their mouths as tears run down their cheeks. Tears shine in Corazon’s bleary eyes. And Prudence’s mouth gapes, horror in her eyes like one of her creepy books died right in front of her.

Egbert stares, confusion overshadowing the terror and guilt. Why are they sad? Didn’t they hear him right?

“Why aren’t you a-angry?” Egbert asks, voice wavering as a sob splutters past his lips. “I said I cheated. I broke y-your trust. Why don’t you hate me?”

“I _am_ angry,” Prudence says, her voice still weirdly calm. “I’m fucking furious. But not at you.”

What?

“Egbert, why would we be angry at you?” Dob says, and he bursts out sobbing, clinging to Merilwen for support.

Egbert steps backwards. Is he dreaming?

“Oh God, I can’t…” Corazon grabs his head, grimacing. “I’m so bloody drunk. E-Egbert… d’you even r-realise what you’re saying?”

“I…” Egbert stammers.

“Egbert, the way you said it,” Merilwen says, eyes red and face blotchy as she cries. “It t-told us all we need to know.”

“Huh? Guys, I…”

“Shit!” Prudence yells. Overwhelmed with anger, Prudence suddenly casts Eldritch Blast and obliterates a bird flying past the ship. And she rushes forwards, grabs Egbert’s shoulders with still-hot hands, and says, “Egbert, did that fucking arsehole let you say no? Hurt you? Give you a choice?”

Egbert tries to speak, mouth moving wordlessly. He feels dazed, like he just got smacked around the head. None of this makes sense. Well, it makes sense they’re angry with Liliana, but what the hell was Prudence going on about?

Still, with the fear of getting Eldritch Blasted like that bird in the back of his mind, Egbert thinks hard about the things he really wants to forget. He thinks about the times Liliana let him out of the tank, letting him wash and eat and rest. He thinks about how she insisted he sleep in her bed, how he stammered and blushed, but then she killed one of her servants with a tornado with knives and he hopped into bed without another word. He thinks about how she held him close and her hands roamed and she climbed atop him, grinding against him until he responded to the stimulation, letting out an embarrassed moan and… and getting hard. And he thinks about the fear and not wanting to betray his partners like this, but then she was fucking him and it felt so good, and he came and when she wrapped her arms around him, he didn’t pull away.

“I… I cheated…”

“Answer the bloody questions,” Prudence says, and he flinches.

“I… I shagged her. Again. And again. Y-Yeah, I was scared of her, a-and I’d rather do anything than go back in the tank, but, but it felt so fucking good and, and I came, and…” Egbert trails off, sobbing hysterically as humiliation burns in his cheeks.

“Oh God,” Corazon mumbles, pressing a hand to his stomach. “Oh fuck, Egbert, mate, I’m so sorry. Oh shit!” Retching hard, Corazon goes white as a sheet and hurtles across the deck and into the toilet.

Egbert sniffs, glancing at Prudence, who still holds him in an iron grip. She still looks furious, but her eyes are too bright and there’s a weird sense of… vulnerability to her. Beside them, Dob and Merilwen are in pieces, Dob hunched on his knees with his head in his hands, and Merilwen crying as she cuddles him.

“Guys, you’re not listening,” Egbert says through the tears. “It, it happened. I don’t understand…”

“You’re the one who won’t understand!” Prudence says, and her lip actually wobbles.

“Prudence, let me…” Merilwen lets go of Dob and stands up, putting a hand on Prudence’s arm. Despite being shorter and drenched in her own tears, Merilwen manages to cut through the glare Prudence shoots her way, and Prudence submits, letting go of Egbert. Merilwen grabs one of Egbert’s shaking hands, clasping it between her own, and says to him, “Egbert, Pru’s right. You don’t.. you don’t understand what happened to you.” Egbert goes to speak, but Merilwen beats him to it. “You say you had sex with L-Liliana. But… but you didn’t consent. Egbert, it’s, it’s so hard to say it, but… Liliana raped you.”

Egbert flinches like she slapped him. In shock, he puffs out smoke, but gasps and ends up inhaling it. He coughs hard, sobbing as Merilwen’s words rattle around his mind. Rape? Could that really be what happened to him?

When he comes back down from the coughing fit, Egbert straightens up and opens his eyes. Through the tears, he notices Corazon has returned, kneeling on the floor beside Dob and trying to sooth the sobbing heap of Half-Orc. Legs wobbling, Egbert stumbles, and Merilwen leads him to a chair. She sits beside him, still holding his hand.

“Do you understand, Egbert?” she says, voice soft and kind and trembling as she fails to hold back tears.

“B-But… I’m a man,” Egbert says, suddenly trying to find reasons why Merilwen could be wrong, but not knowing why. Is he completely in denial? Or just so shocked and scared by what she said that he has no way how to react?

Without looking up, Dob chokes on a sob before crying, “It can happen t-to men too.”

“Egbert, mate, I know i-it’s a lot to take in,” Corazon says, still rubbing Dob’s back. “But, please… tell me you get it.”

Egbert gulps, staring straight into Corazon’s eyes. “I…”

This is all so much to take in. His partners don’t hate him, instead supporting him and getting incredibly upset and telling him what really happened to him. He wants to throw up at the full realisation of what happened with Liliana—what she did to him—but he somehow manages to keep the contents of his stomach down.

He feels like an idiot, but that isn’t fair. He was exhausted from having his body used for experiments, and never realised the full extent of Liliana’s manipulation. But… but he believes his partners. The clouds of denial and blame start to drift away, leaving him with the real, horrifying truth: he is a victim.

And, almost like a question, because part of him still doesn’t know what to do, Egbert sniffs and mumbles, “I… didn’t cheat.”

Prudence smiles, closer to tears than ever but somehow holding them back. “Correct.”

Sniffing and gasping with harsh, ugly sobs, Dob lurches to his feet and flings himself at Egbert, hugging him as hard as he can. “Oh, Egbert, buddy…” he whimpers, and the rest of his words dissolve into more sobs.

“So… you’re not gonna kill me?” Egbert whispers, and Merilwen gasps.

“Egbert…” she says, voice hoarse from crying so much.

“Hmm,” Prudence says. “I think if you actually cheated on us, I would’ve totally powered up an Eld—”

“Prudence!” Corazon says, frantically miming zipping his lips.

“Sorry,” Prudence says. “Really, I’m sorry. Bad time to joke.”

“Guys, I just… I dunno what to do about all of this,” Egbert says, feeling Merilwen’s warm hands around his own and Dob’s racing heart pounding against his ribs. “I feel a bit better. But… but also really gross.”

“You’re not gross, Egbert,” Merilwen says.

“I know. But… I feel it.”

“It’s okay,” Dob mumbles into Egbert’s shoulder. “I get it. Feelings are weird.”

Egbert sniffs. “I really don’t know what to do next. I r-really, really thought you were g-gonna break up with me.”

Dob whimpers, and Merilwen squeezes his hand harder. Prudence rests a hand on his shoulder, and Corazon quickly tries to wipe a few tears away before being seen, but they all see it. But nobody, not even Prudence, says anything, let alone teases him like earlier when Corazon was being teased about his stolen eyepatch.

“Well, we’re not,” Prudence says, and she smiles at him, the grin both soft and cheeky. “You’re not getting rid of us that easy, my dude.”

Both her words and the way she said them tickle Egbert, and he lets out a weak chuckle. “Th-Thank you.”

“You can take things h-however you want,” Corazon says, digging into his pocket. “But we’ll always be there. Right?” he adds right as he pulls a crisp white handkerchief from his pocket. Corazon offers it to Egbert, who takes it with his free hand.

As Egbert wipes his eyes, Dob says, “Right.”

“We’ll help however we can,” Merilwen says. “Promise.”

Egbert sniffles, more tears replacing the ones he just wiped away. “Guys, thank you so m-much. I… I love you.”


End file.
